what the hell. why not.

I have come to terms that I attach myself to a girl, and when I fall in love, I start to change. into an almost different person. I start to see this girl in me as this answer to perfection.
anything I can do to make her happy, I’ll do it. I see this vision of a girl, that sometimes isn’t even the girl I fell in love with.
I have to accept the fact that people change over time. I have to be able to cope with that. I put my heart into things SO much, that even if everything is perfect, I’ll end up getting depressed.
she’ll get bored of me.
she’ll fucking leave me for her ex.
she’ll leave me for my best friend.
she’ll leave me for…what the fuck ever.
I’m tired of it.
I think at this point in my life, I honestly don’t know how to love.
I know I’ve been in love.
but I just don’t know how to do it. so I fail at it.
I know that since I’m the guy, I have to be the one that chases the girl.
but god damn it. I want to be chased too.
I want the girl to be afraid of losing me.
I want the girl to want to hold onto me no matter what.

I can’t let girls control me as much as they have in the past.
they might not even know they’re doing it.
But I just get involved with the idea of love too much.
and hurt myself repeatedly over it.

I’m done with that.

my walls are officially up.